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the deadline and the conundrum
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

Writer: Two days, twwwwwwwoooooo days, how am I supposed to write an Oscar winning, record breaking, best selling blockbuster movie in two days. But where to begin?, how do I start?, what do all blockbusters have?, they have actors, ok so there is a man and he is a short man, wait no he should be tall and good looking so there is a tall and handsome man, and a woman and they are deeply in love, and in clothes ... fancy dress clothes, because they are at a ball. He is none other then the handsome prince charming and she is a lowly peasant girl in disguise. They see each other from across the dance floor, and their eyes lock in a deep and penetrating gaze. He proceeds to ask her to dance and she accepts and they dance, and dance and fall deeply in love and live happily ever after THE END. ( dancers look stunned and disappointed with the work) That’s it --finished, its great its got romance and intrigue... (reads it over) Too bad its only 30 seconds long. What else can I do. What else do blockbusters have, they’ve go... got... I don’t know, lets think E.T , umm Independence Day, Alien... that’s it Aliens. Ok so They are dancing and falling in love when suddenly an alien spacecraft appears overhead and a space monster with tentacles, lots of eyes and really, really bad breath says to the lowly peasant girl “BLAKISH BACKIE JABINSKWISH“ or your coming with me. But the prince says NO! She is mine, I will fight you for her. So the Alien space monster and the Handsome prince dray their weapons. Their special ... LIGHTSABERS, and they duel. It is exciting and the crowd is roaring, and the Handsome Prince is hit, It looks as though he has been defeated, the Space Monster moves in for the kill and.....

Phone: RING, RING... (phone rings) RING, RING...

Writer: Hello

Friend: Hey, what are you doing?

Writer: Working, I don’t have time for this, I need to finish my script.

Friend: Oh come on you sound like you could use a break, lets go get a cup of coffee.

Writer: Coffee

Friend: Yes coffee you know its hot, and sometimes cold and you can drink it, in a coffee shop... duh

Writer: Yah, yah whatever, (hangs up phone) Oh brilliant, ok so scrap the space monster its too far fetched anyway, The Ball room is now a coffee shop, with some humorous yet obvious name and the prince is a stockbroker and the princess is now a.... I know she is the waitress. Ok so She is serving him his coffee and he asks her to join him, she says no because she is working but he asks her if she has a break coming up and she smiles and sits down. They Talk... and laugh... and ook deeply into each others eyes, then he reaches for her hand but hits the cup of hot coffee and it spills all over the waitress. She is horrified and he moves to help clean her up and she... SHE SLAPS HIM! “How dare you” she yells at him ... oh this is good stuff, so much emotion and drama the waitress feels violated and is furious and the stockbroker is insulted by the accusation they struggle and ....

Door: KNOCK, KNOCK ( door)

Writer: WHO IS IT?

Friend: You said yah, yah

Writer: I said yah, yah to what

Friend: Coffee!

Writer: Well I don’t have time I’m under a lot of pressure.

Friend: Oh whatever, come on now you need to relax, here I have it Knock ,Knock.

Writer: What are you doing

Friend: I’m telling you a joke. Knock, knock.

Writer: A joke, a comedy, that’s brilliant thanks for the idea, later! (slams door) Ok so back up The waitress and the stockbroker are sitting and talking and this time he leans to kiss her and falls off his chair, he is humiliated but tries to recover. Then waitress get up to help him and... and ... and slips on a banana peel! Everyone in the coffee shop laughs and they get up and sit back down, there they are joined by some friends all very different there is a jock and a brain, a prom queen and a freak and a rebel. However all of these individuals are united because of ... something they have in common. Humm, maybe they're all wearing green underpants? (pause) What if they all have evil twins? (pause) No I’ve got it... they are all united by their desire to become famous Broadway performers. Hit it! 1..2..3..4.. And they break out into song and dance. Yah yah yah yaaaah yahhhhh dopey do dupedy do blah blah (triggers cheesy musical score and watched dancers act like clowns for a bit) Ok that’s enough of that musicals are exhausting and they never make any money anyway, I mean Sound of music, what was that. How can I make this more appealing, I could have a cowboy and an Indian, and I need a cop, and a... villain, and an average Joe and they all find themselves at the center of an evil plan to destroy the world with a series of nuclear explosions, no a comet is about to crash in to the earth, no a man has brought dinosaurs back from the dead... oh shit. This really isn’t working. I should have stuck to poetry It doesn’t even have to make any sense for people to buy it. Oh geese I know what to do... I’ll just make a sequel, like Rambo & you don’t even need dialogue, just a truck load of fake blood and guns. Awesome!

Fade to black!

February 21, 2008 | 8:31 PM Comments  0 comments

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our fish killed himself!
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

what else can i say? our little fishy is flushed away.. no no.. thats not how he died.. he had a slow and painful death i presume. the poor little guy, also known as 'green goblin' (he wasn't green... we thought he was but then he changed colour)... well these are his last moments:

at exactly 11:43pm, green goblin was pronounced dead at the scene. it is lead to believe that he posed his own death. why? we do not know. he was a great fish and an amazing siamese fighter. green goblin came from the beta family - his ancestors gave him brilliant coloration, and long flowing fins which he loved to display before his friend in the mirror.
"what's that smell of burning?", asks monica as she made her way into the washroom. at this moment she knew something was wrong. earlier on in the evening she had lit a candle... the candle she always lights every so often. this candle is in the same spot at all times. there he lay. in the centre of the candle, was green goblin's corpse. his fins were now black and no longer vibrant red and blue. the stinch of death was near. emad thinks GG jumped out of his water and landed in the candle where he burned himself. why would a fish like this jump to his own death? he was given everything he could possibly wish for. from a designer bowl, to the best food out there... he lived to be 2 years old. never had he attempted to try this unforgiven act before. the candle wasn't even that close to the bowl. the bowl was on a stand and is higher than the candle. what a fall that was. it is in question that his water level might have exceeded the limit.

R.I.P. Green Goblin the 1st.
2006-2008

February 5, 2008 | 7:43 PM Comments  1 comments

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